I woke up at 7am when Alex went to work, had a cuddle then slept until 9:30am when I wrapped my duvet around myself and sat in front of the computer. I looked at my spider diagram to-do list and wrote a linear to-do list from its branches.
Yes, that's some to-do list. When I have to start scheduling personal time to see my friends, I know I'm overworked.
I then stared at it for a while.
I checked my e-mails and felt my blood pressure rise and the all too familiar adrenaline/cortisol rush.
I wondered how much of this is physical and how much psychological and how much environmental, and whether my blood tests will actually show anything useful that can be fixed.
At around 11am I had a 10 minute chat with a nice man from the BBC who was doing research for another radio documentary.
At about 11:30am I went back to bed, had a cry and huddled in a small ball under my duvet.
I then finished the giant popcorn from the cinema last night, which had gone stale, and the rest of a bar of ginger chocolate (this was the highlight of my day so far).
Things that are stressing me out are the huge amount of people demanding things from me, none of which I am getting paid for (yet) and most of which I keep putting off, not having any money, problems with the claim for my head injury, and not being able to remember the last time I did something that I enjoyed. And this all before my Masters even starts back up again.
Oh yeah, and my complete inability to motivate myself to even unwrap myself from my duvet.
The thing that is going to make today not suck completely is that tonight I am due a lovely evening, celebrating my and Alex’s two month anniversary…
1 Comment
September 17, 2009 at 9:24 pm
1. Stop eating nutrionless junk. You’re just causing massive sugar crashes. No wonder you feel like shit.
2. If you make a start on your list of things to do, I guarantee that you will feel better about life. Just make a simple list, prioritise the items, start at the top, and tick them off as you go. No need for the fancy flow diagram. How much time did you waste producing that when you could have been making plans for the 2010 camp?
3. I have been busting my ass at work all day and now I’m typing up the last trustee meeting minutes, but you don’t hear me complaining. I even managed to fit in a 30km gym triathlon this morning followed by a weights session and 10km bike ride this evening. That’s because I intend to make the most of my one life: atheism is all the motivation you should need.
4. If you are not on form by Sunday I will go Terry Tait on your ass. (Ask Alex!)
J x
…
Would you be happy! hearken, then, the way;
Heed not TO-MORROW, heed not YESTERDAY;
The magic words of life are HERE and NOW-
O fools, that after some to-morrow stray!
Omar Khayyam